


Scriptfic nonsense

by Bushwah



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Awkwardness, Canon-Typical Violence, Dick Jokes, Gallows Humor, M/M, Sauron's Ridiculous Theology, Screenplay/Script Format, Slapstick, Slurs, Torture, Tumblr Memes, Wordplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2019-09-28 18:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17188208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bushwah/pseuds/Bushwah
Summary: A collection of extremely short Silvergifting scriptfics.





	1. This calls for drastic measures

**Author's Note:**

> An index of which warnings apply to which chapters can be found at the end of the fic. Note that absolutely none of this is treated seriously.

Celebrimbor: *can't find Annatar in a crowd* This calls for drastic measures

Celebrimbor: *cups hands over mouth* I KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Annatar: (across the room) I DIDN'T MEAN TO MURDER THEM

Celebrimbor: YOU'RE MINE... wait.

Annatar: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Celebrimbor: *What* was an accident?

Annatar: ...I can explain.


	2. Puppy!

Celebrimbor: what the heck is this wolf doing in my bed

Annatar's voice, from underneath the wolf: I can explain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if Annatar is under the wolf, or Annatar IS the wolf.


	3. Is this debate class or what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how good the Silvergifts are at talking past each other.

Sauron: How was I supposed to know that you wanted me to tell you? It’s not like you asked.

Tyelpe: Oh, I don’t know, I just thought that at some point in the last three centuries it might have _come up_ —

Sauron: It’s a classic example of ask culture versus guess culture, I suppose.

Tyelpe: You never stop, do you? If you’d just shut up about your self-congratulatory social theories for one second and listen to me—

Sauron: You’re the one who refuses to listen. You realize you could have just–

Tyelpe: Not this spiel again. *yawns*

Sauron: *resumes torturing him*


	4. Okay fine I'll make the rating T

Celebrimbor: Won't that be hard?

Annatar: Nothing is hard for me.

Celebrimbor: I'm hard for you


	5. when you, I feel

sauron: it makes me uncomfortable that you’re trying to set boundaries with me

celebrimbor: worlds_smallest_violin.jpg


	6. Debate class pt 2

tyelperinquar: So how much free will do the Children really have?

annatar: too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will never be done with Sauron's ridiculous theology.


	7. And now, for something just slightly different

sauron: *raises voice just enough to be heard across arda* do you guys want any info?

saruman, at full volume: I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR RINGLORE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how it went, right?


	8. What goes unsaid

sauron: you have killed me every day, from the first moment I met your eyes to the first spark of uncertainty I saw in them, from the first betrayal to the last—parting—

celebrimbor's corpse:


	9. A hip dude, up with the times

annatar, revealing himself as sauron: i’m what the kids call an “abomination”


	10. From a certain point of view

celebrimbor: you never told me you could shapeshift

annatar: I _said_ I was both a cat person and a dog person


	11. Sonnet 18

celebrimbor: shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

sauron: *prepares to stroke ego*

celebrimbor: for thou art as hot as one

sauron: *commences with ego-stroking*

celebrimbor: but thou art also extremely annoying

sauron: ?!

celebrimbor: and I kinda hate thee

sauron: where did this come from

celebrimbor: also thou art _too_ hot. no offense bro

sauron, burning celebrimbor’s skin off with his bare hands: I just don’t understand what I did wrong


	12. That's not how anything works

sauron (on his second pint of vinegar): why aren't i drunk yet


	13. Hesitance

celebrimbor: i'm not sure this is a good idea

annatar: embrace your uncomfort zone

**Author's Note:**

> Rape/non-con: Chapter 5. (The tag refers to the noncon genre; no sexual violence is depicted.)  
> Graphic depictions of violence: Chapter 11.  
> Major character death: Chapter 8; references in other chapters.  
> Torture: Chapter 11; references in other chapters.  
> Slurs: Chapter 7; slur is against women.  
> Dick jokes: Chapter 4.


End file.
